Denial
by Vera Verto
Summary: Looking back, I guess I haven't had many non platonic experiences in my life. Maybe that's what led me to this plight. Then again, maybe not.


**Hey guys! This is my first ever fanfic. Well, technically its not. It's my _second_ , but I decided not to post that one. This is a short conversation. It's inspired by the Disney song, I Won't Say I'm In Love.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Disney(I sincerely hope that that was obvious), or any characters that you recognize. The cover picture is an edit of mine.**

 **Reviews make my heart go aflutter.**

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This was not happening. I will myself not to cry. Obviously, my tear ducts do not obey me, and I furiously rub my cheeks, leaving them damp. I pull a crimson curl out of my ponytail, and suck hard on my sugar quill.

My first boyfriend, in 4th year - Caradoc Dearborn. Tall, dark, and handsome. My first crush. I was ecstatic the day he asked me out. Two days later, he told me he wanted to be just friends. It took all of my willpower to keep a cool face. I just shook my head, and asked him why he led me on. He didn't get that the question was rhetorical, and that was the end of that.

5th year, Benjy Fenwick. Benjy was cute, sweet, and smart. He got an immediate yes when he asked me out. Yeah, he was pretty sweet. Until I caught him snogging Amelia Bones. In a broom closet. During a patrol with Remus Lupin. Remus, an eternally wonderful friend, gave them detention for 2 months. Alice and Marlene hexed him for me, as I was too miserable to face him. Dorcas pushed him into the Great Lake. It helped.

I was just about planning to give up on boys, when Amos Diggory asked me out in my 6th year. I accepted; I think it helped that I had had a massive crush on him since the second year. It was the longest relationship I had ever been in, and, of course, Potter had to spoil it. Diggory eventually decided that not being bullied by Potter every day was much more important than being with me.

Speaking of Potter.

Alice, Dorcas, and Marlene have had this crazy idea that I'm secretly in love with him.

Ha ha, I say to them. Shows what you know. But it's pointless debating with them. They give plenty of evidence, and their arguments are sometimes sarcastic enough to convince me into believing them. Sometimes.

"Lily. Of course you don't fancy him," Dorcas will roll her eyes, and start. "Of course you don't wake up at 5:00 AM in the morning to watch him practise Quidditch, and, even if you did, of course it's for moral support." She snickers.

Marlene, after trying - and failing - to recover from giggling, snorts. "Of course you don't put Hestia Jones in detention for something as utterly idiotic like giggling too loudly, two minutes after you don't glare at her flirting with Potter, my Lily pet."

Alice will pipe in, shaking her head, and trying not to smile. And ending up with the same fate as Marlene. "Of course you don't blush furiously when he makes the slightest bit of physical contact with you, Lily. And of course you don't memorize his schedule, and of course you don't happen to accidentally pop up wherever he is at random points of the day."

"It's okay, Lily," they assure me. "We know you don't fancy James Potter." Then they all howl like the pack of hyenas and horrible friends they are.

But no matter.

I roll my eyes at them. "Very funny, girls."

They immediately stop laughing, and glance at each other.

Alice speaks up first. "We're sorry, Lily."

"Yeah, Lily", Marlene chimes in. "But you cannot deny that anything we said wasn't true."

Dorcas snorts. "Wasn't true, Marley? Of course it was true!"

I try to interject, but she cuts me off. Sigh.

"Don't lie, Lily! We see the way you look at him. We are your best friends, you know." She smirks.

Thanks for reminding me, Dorcas. I almost forgot. Wonder why.

"He - He's just a good friend," I manage to stutter.

I shake my head. Although I pretend it didn't, it did hurt when Dearborn led me on. I was literally internally screaming when I saw Fenwick and Bones. And Amos. I didn't pretend. When he told me that, I knew at once that everything he had said to me, was a façade. I let the tears flow, and he awkwardly said he was late for Quidditch practice. I stood there, watching him walk away.

It was true. I think. Potter was just a good friend. That's all. Why wouldn't they understand it? If what they were saying was - completely hypothetically, of course - true, then it probably was just a small infatuation, that made me act like a prize fool in front of them.

Marlene must have seen the tears threatening flow out of my eyes, because she gave me a comforting smile, and put an arm around me. Dorcas' face softened, and I could see she instantly regretted what she had just said. Alice looked alarmed.

"Don't cry, Lily!" she exclaimed.

"Not crying," I mumbled, wiping the tears away.

After I had finished sniffling, Alice spoke up shyly.

"Lily, I just want you to think about it. Do you, honestly, deep in your heart, believe that you don't like him?"

"Of course I like him - " I get cut off.

"You know what Alice means, Lils," Marlene says softly. "In that way."

"We're not buying it, Lily," Dorcas says firmly, but not like before. "When are you going to admit that you've got it bad, darling?"

I smile at Dorcas' use of the muggle expression.

Marlene puts her hands up. "You want to know what I think, Lily?" I shake my head furiously. She ignores me. "I think," she says, not waiting for me to answer, "that my best friend for 7 years, Lily Evans, Prefect, now Head Girl, Extraordinaire, is in deep denial."

Alice nods thoughtfully.

"No," I say. "Just - no. James Potter? Really, girls?" But it's weak, and I know everyone can see that. Apparently, especially Dorcas, who is now rubbing her forehead in a weary sort of way. She opens her eyes, and takes my hand, guiding me to her four poster bed.

Dorcas puts her hands on my shoulders. "Lily. What is this about? Are you afraid he doesn't like you back?" She shakes her head. "Because," she chuckles, "Believe me, anyone with half a brain can see that he's hopelessly in love with you."

Alice flashes her infamous puppy dog eyes at me. "And now - you're going to break his heart?" Her voice breaks at the last word, and I almost feel sorry for her, but then I remind myself her acting is just very realistic.

I sigh audibly.

"Come one, Lily!" Marlene urges. "Just admit it!"

I squeeze my eyes shut.

Whenever I thought of going out with Potter, my face turned as red as my hair. I loved being talking to him, I won't deny that. I laughed at his jokes even when they weren't funny. Ha. I might've maybe gotten a teensy weensy bit jealous of Jones. Like Alice said, I knew his entire schedule by heart. I would forever deny it, though.

Ah. I open my eyes.

I'm in love with James Potter.

Marlene, Alice, and Dorcas cheer.

Wait. Did I just say that out loud? No.

Alice nudged Marlene, and they both cheered. Dorcas cheered, too,

Well, cheered was an understatement. Dorcas was literally jumping for joy and squealing.

"This does not leave this room," I hiss.

Alice just shook her head. " _Of course_ not, Lils," she says as if it were obvious.

" _You're_ going to have to tell him."

Oh Merlin.


End file.
